I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
so much tequila, so little girl.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
