His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
