I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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