the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
