I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Every concussion has its silver lining
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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