I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize