i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
