just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize