69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
