I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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