I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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