I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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