If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Even my vagina gasped.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
