I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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