her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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