12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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