Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
