why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
