Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize