I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
