i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
