I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
