I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
