I skipped work to stalk him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize