he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
