There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
