how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
