my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
