You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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