Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
