I faked an abortion last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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