fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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