I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
