my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
