Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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