You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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