im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
