HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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