I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
