She is in my trunk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
