listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
