I think my fart just growled at me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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