i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
