I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize