WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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