You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
