dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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