Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i now understand why vodka
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
