I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize