Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you had me at cake vodka
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
