She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
