he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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