omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
