I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
