I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
