onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize