I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize