If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
