Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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