The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
