Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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