I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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