he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
