i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize