I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize