hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
