dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
