I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't deserve a penis
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
