Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
