Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
