Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You ate ashes out of my bong
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
