Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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