a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
