I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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