I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
