apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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