So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
