grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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