All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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