Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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