She said her name was "party"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
