Duck Duck Cougar?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
