I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Barsexuality is the new black.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
