i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
