if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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