I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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