theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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