3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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