She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
