I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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