He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
