Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
