dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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