He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's even glitter on my cock...
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