I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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