Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
