Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's blow job season.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
